Facing Failure

There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.
- Colin Powell

When I wrote up my bucket list, one of my goals was to graduate from court reporting school. I wrote the list a little over a year ago. I was scheduled to graduate in December 2011. It is now April 2012. People are constantly asking me when I'll be done school. I'm 3 tests away from graduating with a diploma in court reporting, but it's not quite that simple. You see, I'm done all the academics, but I need to reach certain typing speeds (on my stenograph/court reporting machine) before I can fully graduate. At a minimum, I need to pass one test each in Testimony, Literary and Jury at 140 words per minute (wpm), and one test from any category at 160 wpm. My 3 remaining tests I need to pass: Testimony and Literary at 140, and Jury at 160.

I quit my job in January so that I could focus on speedbuilding. I'm allowed to write two tests a week: one on Wednesday, on on Sunday. "Failing a test" means I wasn't able to attain the required 95% mark to pass. There are no penalties for failing. That being said, I haven't passed a test since February. It's been so frustrating, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but not being able to reach it. I know I'm close but every time I fail a test, it's so damn disheartening.

I had a plan. I was to write (and pass!) my Literary today, my Jury on Sunday, and since it's a special testing week next week where I'm allowed to write up to four tests, I was going to write (and pass!) my most challenging category, Testimony. And that'd be it. I'd be done. But since I didn't pass my Literary today, I'll attempt to pass my 160 Jury this Sunday, but now my four tests next week will have to be split up between Testimony and Literary. Less room for error.

So, it's not over yet. I can still reach my personal goal of passing all three tests by the end of next week. I'm fully capable of writing in the 160s-180s. It's just that when I sit down and take a test, I tend to get anxious and panic which usually results in dropped words and sloppy writing. A fellow classmate told me it's just a mental game. I know it's true. I also know it's entirely possible for me to pass my tests in the upcoming week. I won't lie; if I'm unable to meet my goals by next week, I'll be disappointed. I've been pretty bummed lately because I feel like I'm in a rut. I'm in between jobs (so I have no source of income), I'm in major debt from college and university, and I haven't been able to graduate from my program. For me, these last 3 tests mean everything to me. After I pass, my new firm will hire me as a court reporter. I'll be making money again, I can continue to build speed, and I'll be able to pay off my debt. So much is riding on these tests. I need to get past this.

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
- Bill Cosby

We seem to gain wisdom more readily through our failures than through our successes. We always think of failure as the antithesis of success, but it isn't. Success often lies just the other side of failure.
- Leo F. Buscaglia 

You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.
- Johnny Cash

Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end.
- Denis Waitley