I am terrified.
Actually, terrified would be an understatement.
I have Tough Mudder in two weeks. Through no fault of anybody but my own, I am grossly unprepared for what lies ahead. I am not an athlete. The furthest I've run, ever, is 7km, and that was Spartan Race last year. Even when I work out, I've never done more than 5-6 km. Tough Mudder Toronto is expected to be 16-19 km. I've done intermittent cardio training over the last few months, but nothing like the 3 months of Insanity that I did last year -- and even then, that was barely enough for Spartan Race. I've done no weight training, no incline training, no endurance training. Don't get me wrong -- I am not making excuses for my lack of preparation; I'm merely stating the facts. And no matter how much I push myself in the next two weeks, I am not ready for Tough Mudder.
Upon sharing my insecurities with others, I was asked, "Why did you even sign up for it in the first place?" First of all, I've done similar races over the last few years (Warrior Dash, Spartan Race), each with a higher difficulty level. I enjoyed them. I love getting dirty. And where else can you crawl through waist-deep mud followed by a crawl in ice water? Secondly, I wanted to push myself and do things I wouldn't "normally" do (run 15k+? Ha!). And thirdly, because I have wonderful friends who inspire me to do challenging things, who push their physical limits...so why couldn't I?
15,000 people are anticipated to participate over the two-day event, with a 30% failure rate. That's a lot of people who can't finish the race.
I am afraid of failure.
And it's not that I anticipate it. I merely fear it. Better to have a healthy sense of doubt and apprehension and emerge triumphant...right? I know half the battle is mental. But the more I talk to people and the more articles I read, the more I worry about whether I am seriously physically capable.
Is the person who quits any better than the person who didn't even try?